I had to have a blood test yesterday, which doesn’t bother me at all. What terrified me more was the prospect of making small talk with the nurse while she bled me dry. The conversation took a bizarre twist so I thought I would share it:
Nurse: So where are you from?
Me: Originally? England.
Nurse: Oh I thought so, you sound like Johnny Depp in Neverland.
Me: Uh, ok.
Nurse: Have you seen it? It’s really good.
Me: No, I like his movies though.
Nurse: Oh yeah, did you see Edward Scissorhands, that one was weird.
Me: Yeah, I like weird.
Nurse: Really? What about that one with Michael Keaton, uhh, Beetlejuice? That one was too weird!
Me: Oh I liked it a lot.
Nurse: Oh no it was too weird for me. Oh and Star Wars…
This is where I wanted to leave, but she still had a needle in my arm, an obvious and cunning ploy to have a captive audience.
Nurse: When I was a teenager I went to see Star Wars with my boyfriend, and he couldn’t understand why I didn’t like it. I just kept waiting for the normal people to show up. Like you know that bit in the bar with all those weird people? I just wanted to give them all makeovers!
If I wasn’t feeling slightly faint from lack of blood I may have punched her at that point. Instead I gritted my teeth, chuckled politely and restrained myself from yelling Cantina! It was a Cantina! And they were ALIENS!!
in her face.
