Two things (not three)

Filed under: — jen

I love books. I eat them for breakfast. Plain. Without milk and sugar even.

What’s your oh-mi-god-you-have-to-read-this book?

I like music too. I find those compact disc things cut my gums though, so I don’t actually eat those. They are nice and shiny though. I like shiny.

What’s one of your all-time favourite songs? You know, the one where you put the cd player on “repeat” and either sing along in the car or dance around the living room like nobody’s watching. (Or in my case, like there is nobody pointing and laughing)


Better watch out

Filed under: — jen

For those who have been naughty, not nice; I give you…the perfect gift:

Fat Bastard Shiraz Fat Bastard Shiraz Fat Bastard Shiraz


That is because you’re crazy

Filed under: — jen

I went to Ikea last night. Again. This time with my mum. Mark got a reprieve.

Seeing as it’s that festive time of year, when we are all donning our gay apparel and everything, I thought, wouldn’t it be cool if Ikea made Christmas crackers. Instead of those lame little sewing kits and magnifying glasses that you find in normal Christmas crackers, the Ikea ones would have little, teeny, tiny assemble-it-yourself cd racks and bookshelves. Oh, and don’t forget a little teeny, tiny allen key.


Soup, soup, soup

Filed under: — jen

I love soup. Specifically this one:

Imagine Creamy Sweet Corn Soup
and this one:

Imagine Butternut Squash Soup

Those soups make me sing. Get some. Get some now. While you’re there, pick up some for me.

There is some soup I don’t love. Like this one:

Jamaica Sun Cock Soup

Don’t get me any of that one.


WTF Photo Quiz 3

Filed under: — jen


Don’t forget to play the WTF photo quiz here (or here if you need a hint.)

Filler post

Filed under: — jen

Because work is a big pile of poo, here is a crappy filler post.

Some of what I’m listening to while I work:

Sucks to be You Prozzak (actually, at the moment, it sucks to be me)
Try Blue Rodeo (I’m trying, damnit)
Praise You Fatboy Slim (no, praise me!)
O-o-ooh Child Nina Simone ( things are going to get easier? God, I hope so)
Mad World Gary Jules version ( it surely is)
Bang on the Drum Specials version (yes, I don’t want to work)
What a Wonderul World Joey Ramone version (it would be if it weren’t for W, Osama and this big pile of poo)
And She Was Talking Heads (sick of work, that is)
All the Small Things Blink 182 (it’s always the small things)
Mmmbop Hanson (I don’t give a flying fuck what you think about this song, or the fact that I have it)
What am I doing Here Blue Rodeo (damn good question)
Ring of Fire Social Distortion version (It seems I really did fall into that damn ring of fire)
Noise Annoys Buzzcocks (but not as much as work)
I Wanna be Sedated Ramones (boy, do I ever)
Consequence Free Great Big Sea (I really want to be)
Reach for the Sun Polyphonic Spree (wheeeeee happy, happy!)


Hat of cheese, hat of poo

Filed under: — jen

In my world, if you come across a blog called Better Than A Hat Made Of Shit you add it to your blogroll immediately.


Strange. Cute. True.

Filed under: — jen

Monday night, on my way downtown to the McKibbins Pubquiz, I had to stop at the video store in Beaurepaire Village to drop off Kill Bill Volume 2. Good movie, I give it two thumbs up, but I digress.

As I was about to get out of the car, I noticed a woman walking her dog. Close behind, seemingly chasing after the lady and her dog was a cat. Yes, a cat. How odd, I thought to myself. The lady crossed the street with her dog, and lo and behold, the cat followed. The woman tied up her dog and went into a convenience store.

I glanced across the street and was surprised to see the cat sitting calmly next to the dog. Me, being me, I had to find out what was going on, so I crossed the street, went into the convenience store and asked the dog-walking-lady if that was her cat. She replied that it was and that she always takes the dog for a walk on his leash, and the cat accompanies them.

I wish I had had the camera with me.

WTF Photo Quiz

Filed under: — jen

Hey, don’t forget to play this week’s WTF photo quiz here.


But I still haven’t found what I’m looking for

Filed under: — jen

These are searches that ended up on either my blog, Mark’s blog or Mark’s website.

how to say thankyou through words for wedding to parents isn’t that illegal?
Davey’s Snowed Inn well, dig him out!
planting tulip bulbs the wrong way you came to the right place, I planted a veritable squirrel buffet last year.
certified bank cheque please make it out to me.
what sewing machine should I buy not this one.
who eats chocolate who doesn’t?
negotiating with car dealers make sure you get a mug!
men smell dirty underwear no, they don’t, if they did they would change it more often.
anal explorer co uk that domain name is still available – hurry!
jen in boots those pictures are password protected.
“jen had pizza” jen had way too much pizza.
bossy nora I think you’ll find it’s bossy Jen
bad ikea Mark certainly thinks so.
why eat chocolate holy mother of god, do you need a reason?
“mark rude” yes, yes he is.
baby name with both the names Kimberly and Nigel joined together to make one name could you be just a tad more specific?
republican blogs you have so come to the wrong place.
what should i wear to december wedding a santa suit?
COUGH COUGH SICK SICK SICK stop that, you’re snotting all over me.
get a mortgage for a house in canada you’ll be sorry.
MUSICAL TEA POT those dancing hamsters are much better.
after medical tests what to expect for canada permanent immigration high taxes, shitty medical care, but apart from that, it’s all good.
bush non supporter t shirts I happily give you the shirt off my back.
laser pussy for very precise sex.


All the leaves are brown

Filed under: — jen

Out here in the ‘burbs people are obsessed with leaves, specifically the leaves that have the gall to wither and die in the Autumn and make a mess of their pristine, golf course-like lawns.

In our neighbourhood people spend small fortunes to have someone come with their leaf-blowers and their tarps or their giant leaf vacuums to remove every last bit of Mother Nature’s fall bounty.

Being former city-folk, and not knowing all the rules, we left our leaves right where they were last year.

As it turns out, this is the equivalent to having one or more cars up on blocks on your front lawn.

This year I had a cursory check into what it would cost to have our leaves professionally removed and quickly decided that it would be better to put the money aside for shoes emergency household repairs.

Why pay someone to do it when we could do it ourselves Mark could do it himself?



Filed under: — jen

If someone adds you to their blogroll you:

  1. would love it if the person who blogrolled you dropped you an email to let you know.
  2. would prefer not to know about it because you don’t want to feel obligated to add that person to your own blogroll.
  3. don’t care.
  4. go into denial and buy a hat of cheese.
  5. do something that isn’t a, b, c or d. Please specify.


House of Geek, House of Nerd

Filed under: — jen

The computers in our house are magic. There is a pile of them in the basement, there is one in my office, and there is a laptop that goes to and from work with Mark. We have a wireless network. I can choose music on my computer and have it play on the surround sound system in the tv room. We can surf the ‘net out on the deck in the summertime. We use Firefox, not Explorer. Linux is installed on all the machines except the Mac. I have my own private tech support.

The machines are named Burp, Belch, Fart, and Sneeze. The newest addition to the family is called Splooge.

We are puerile and silly.

I’m married to a geek, and I love it.


Conversation of the week

Filed under: — jen

Mark: I’m confused by the duck.

Me: why?

Mark: I don’t know which side the breasts are on.

Guess I should pick up a copy of Playduck and a laser pointer.


Me and Bridget Jones

Filed under: — jen

We got a thing goin’on
We both know that it’s wrong

A few years back, I decided to cook myself a lovely stir fry. So I did. And it turned blue - robin’s egg blue. For real. I was banned from the kitchen, which was pretty shitty because I was living alone at the time.

This is but one of the reasons I don’t cook.


Filed under: — jen

Go play the WTF photo quiz here.

I’ll be back later.


How to eat chocolate

Filed under: — jen

It has come to my attention that there are people out there who are eating chocolate the wrong way.

Consider this a public service announcement.

The wrong way:

Buy or receive a bar/box of chocolate. Break off/select one piece of chocolate. Eat one piece of chocolate. Wrap up chocolate/close box. Put chocolate away. Repeat on a daily or weekly basis.

The right way:

Buy or receive a bar/box of chocolate. Eat entire bar or box of chocolate. Enjoy delicious chocolate. Do not feel guilty. Go to store and buy more chocolate. Rinse, repeat .

Someone in our house eats chocolate the wrong way. (Hint: it isn’t me.)


Colonel Mustard in the library with a pen (or pencil)

Filed under: — jen

Every two weeks I go to the library. I love the library. It’s like that whole kid-in-a-candy-store thing.

Over the years I have noticed an odd phenomenon when borrowing books - some people, for some reason known only to them, underline stuff.

I am currently reading Leviathan by Paul Auster and here is a random sampling of stuff that has been underlined:

lo and behold
They hadn’t seen each other in more than
wriggle out of it
made him feel sharper

Here’s my question: what the fuck?

If anyone out there can enlighten me, I would be most grateful.


For art’s sake!

Filed under: — jen

Britney Spears said:

“My new hobby is experimenting with all different types of art lessons. It’s always been a passion of mine. Maybe I’ll even do my sister’s makeup next year for big events.”

Vincent Van Gogh would be proud.


Sew what? Version 2

Filed under: — jen

Up until a year ago, we were city dwellers. Condo people. Funky loft condo people even.

That all changed when we sold our condo and bought a house…in the ‘burbs.

I am not your typical suburbanite. I don’t cook, knit, sew, quilt, scrapbook, “craft” or drive a mini-van.

However, on one of our first forays into Canadian Tire after purchasing our house (no doubt to pick up some tool required by suburban law, like a rake) I spotted and felt compelled to buy one of those mini sewing machines, one of these specifically.

A year later, it still sits in its box, unopened, but from time to time, Mark will say something like, when are you going to open it, huh? huh?

It may be a girly gadget, but a gadget is a gadget, and guys and gadgets, well, it’s like a moth to a flame, innit?

And hey, you never know, give me a staple gun, some popsicle sticks, some fabric, and another year in the ‘burbs, and I just may surprise myself and build a quilt.

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