Dear Jen
Occasionally I accidentally read Anne Landers, or more correctly, Annie’s Mailbox as it is now called.
The terrible crisis in my most recent accidental reading was the following:
A woman bought an expensive perfume for her sister. There was a “gift with purchase” thing going on and the woman wanted to know if it was ok if she kept the bonus gift.
Holy fucking crap. Someone actually took the time to write a letter to ask if it was ok to keep something that she paid for.
Perhaps I will start a column. It might look something like this:
Dear Jen,
I would like to stick forks in my eyes, is this a good idea?
Signed,
Who Gives a Fork
Dear Who Gives a Fork,
No.
Dear Jen,
I love the internet! I love signing up for things and I love getting email, especially from foreigners in places like Nigeria. My friends say I shouldn’t be so quick to divulge personal and financial information, I see no harm in it. Who is right?
Signed,
I Heart AOL
Dear I Heart AOL,
Your friends are.
If you have a problem that is tearing you apart, please feel free to write to me.
January 9th, 2005 at 4:50 pm
Dear Jen,
Should I go for the pale pink toenail polish, or the red? Please help!
January 9th, 2005 at 4:55 pm
Dear Fi,
The pink, definitely the pink.
January 9th, 2005 at 7:44 pm
Like to share a secret? How do you get so many readers and so many comments?
January 9th, 2005 at 7:47 pm
lol, that would be a great column. there’s LOTS of stupid people out there to cater to!
January 10th, 2005 at 1:42 am
I would SO read a column like yours!
January 10th, 2005 at 5:52 am
Dear Jen,
I need an opinion on my mobile ring tone. Could you please call me (during the weekday, your time) so that I can play them for you over the phone, and then you can tell me which one to use? They are all approximately 5 minutes long and I have 15 to choose from. Thank you.
January 10th, 2005 at 10:51 am
Dear Neighbour Lady,
No.
January 11th, 2005 at 1:04 pm
I wish I knew of your column when I had a true (and related) dilemma over the holiday season. It would’ve gone like this:
Dear Jen,
I have recently purchased the biggest, newest and most complete volume of Emily Post’s ‘Etiquette’ for my cantankerous and socially-underdeveloped second cousin. Since then, I have had second thoughts about how this gift may be received by someone who has a very limited sense of humour about herself. Should I give it to her anyway to make a point, keep it for myself since I obviously could use the advice contained therein for my own life, or toss it off an overpass and see what happens?
Signed, Throwing stones from inside a glass house
January 11th, 2005 at 1:08 pm
Lol, great post.
January 11th, 2005 at 2:08 pm
Dear Throwing Stones,
Signs point to yes.
January 12th, 2005 at 3:27 pm
Dear Jen,
I hate my computer and would like to smash it into little pieces. If I do so, should I still try to cash in on the warranty?
You’re the best!
Signed, Gateway Sucks A$$
January 12th, 2005 at 4:29 pm
Dear Gateway Sucks A$$,
Absolutely.