As a three dollar bill
Taken from The Little Hedgehog
10 Assertions against Gay Marriage. With bonus sarcasm!
1) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.
2) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
3) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behaviour. People may even wish to marry their pets! Because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
4) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn’t changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can’t marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.
5) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britney Spears’ 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.
6) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn’t be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren’t full yet, and the world needs more children.
7) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That’s why we have only one religion in America.
9) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That’s why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.
10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven’t adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans
Please feel free to post this list on your blog if you support gay marriage.
September 27th, 2005 at 11:28 am
I’ve been begging someone to explain why banning gay marriage will make the world a better place. These are the only arguments I’ve heard so far, and this is about the best rebuttal I’ve seen. Of course, I’ll post them as well.
September 27th, 2005 at 3:29 pm
Alan - there is, of course, no rational explanation for banning gay marriage. But don’t the stupid arguments against make steam come out of your ears (in the very least)?
September 28th, 2005 at 1:10 am
Haven’t you heard? Jesus hates gays. What more do you need to know?
September 28th, 2005 at 9:39 am
When I was growing up, there was a sign at church which read: “The Bible says it. I believe it. That settles it.” How sad that too many people believe that.
September 28th, 2005 at 9:43 am
Alan - not only sad, but terrifying.
October 5th, 2005 at 9:37 pm
One of my first jaw dropping moments in Louisiana was a bus pulling into the gas station full of adults and children on a church outing with the words: “No queers in Heaven” written in marker on the back window….
July 2nd, 2007 at 2:12 am
Interesting blog, you put it much nicer than I would! It’s ok to design better weapons to kill because the bible doesn’t forbid nuclear weapons and has no clauses about chemical and biological weapons, but allowing two consenting adults to live happily in a way which in reality affects no one else is wrong. Perhaps it’s time their god decided to update it. Also, is there somewhere in the bible that actually says god is heterosexual?
Seems to me that the most religious people in America are some of the most heathenish I’ve ever seen.