Some Spam Haiku

Blue can of steel What promise do you hold? Salt flesh so ripe	Can of metal, slick Soft center, so cool, moistening I yearn for your salt	Twist, pull the sharp lid Jerks and cuts me deeply but Spam, aah, my poultice
Silent, former pig One communal awareness Myriad pink bricks	Clad in metal, proud No mere salt-curing for you You are not bacon	And who dares mock Spam? You? you? you are not worthy Of one rich pink fleck
Like some spongy rock A granite, my piece of Spam In sunlight on my plate	Little slab of meat In a wash of clear jelly Now I heat the pan	Oh tin of pink meat I ponder what you may be: Snout or ear or feet?
In the cool morning I fry up a slab of Spam A dog barks next door	Pink tender morsel Glistening with salty gel What the hell is it?	Ears, snouts and innards A homogenous mass Pass another slice
Old man seeks doctor "I eat Spam daily", he says. Angioplasty	Highly unnatural The tortured shape of this "food" A small pink coffin	Pink beefy temptress I can no longer remain Vegetarian

And finally, a slightly longer spam poem, contributed by Ilan Mayer, and written to the tune of "Oh My Darling Clementine":

In a dingy, run-down trailer
in a seedy trailer park
dwelt a loner, chicken-boner
and his name was "sleazy Mark"

Oh you loner, chicken-boner,
oh you sleazy spawn of spams,
do not send me any junk mail,
I don't are for all your scams.

Sleazy Mark set up a web-site,
advertising some new scam,
then took out his bulk e-mailer,
and sent out his spew of spam.

Oh you loner, chicken-boner,
oh you sleazy spawn of spams,
do not send me any junk mail,
I don't care for all your scams.

But his spam has reached a LARTer
who reported him at once,
so they nuked his sleazy web-site,
and they TOSsed all his accounts.

Oh you loner, chicken-boner,
oh you sleazy spawn of spams,
do not send me any junk mail,
I don't care for all your scams.

Sleazy Mark went out of business,
lost his trailer and PC,
and the moral of this story:
"Spamming leads to bankruptcy."

Oh you loner, chicken-boner,
oh you sleazy spawn of spams,
do not send me any junk mail,
I don't care for all your scams.